Telling His Amazing Story (click to view)

 

Solace of heat (click to view) Using the Sweat Lodge Ceremony to treat Veterans with PTSD

 

A Vision in Darkness (click to download)

In late June of 1988, I stuck a 30-30 rifle to my chin and pulled the trigger. My emotional anguish was great enough that I wanted to leave my lifelong goals and visions and the people who cared about me behind. Had it all come to an end? When the bullet raced through my face, it shattered bones, veins and severed muscles. There seemed no way in hell that I was going to live. Why? This has been a common question asked of me by grandparents, parents, siblings and other individuals who have lost loved ones to suicide. In some communities where I have worked, there has been suicidal ideations on a daily basis. Even more disheartening, suicides in our communities have extended to a broader age range. Youth as young as 10-years-old as well as elders have been successful in taking their lives. I have stood before Relatives throughout our land and have tried to answer the question, “Why?”. There are many reasons why our Relatives want to kill themselves. For many of us, it’s the inability to express our mental and emotional pain deep down inside with others that leads to thoughts of suicide. Some of us believe that no one cares about us, no one understands us or our current life struggles will never get any better. Often we loose hope and faith and slip into a state of depression. Then it is easier to begin thinking that suicide is the correct answer-- a permanent solution for our temporary problems. Our Indigenous, spiritual, traditional teachings tell us that life is a gift. Suicide is not historically part of our culture. Taking your life is a selfish act. We are only given a certain amount of time to live this physical life. It is told that it’s wrong for a human being to cut their life short by killing themselves. Some elders say, when an individual commits suicide, their spirit remains earthbound until the day they were originally intended to die. It’s our conscious choice to care or not to care and we as Original People of this land need to take a stronger and more compassionate stance against the issues causing suicides. Our support as Relatives and friends is vital in decreasing the rate of suicide in our communities. Since 1988, I have been totally blind and have been living in a world of darkness. The support of my family and friends has been crucial in shaping the person I am today. This may sound ridiculous to some of you, but you never know when a smile, a hug, a pat on the back or words of compassion and encouragement like “I love you”, “I care about you” or “you’re special” will make a difference in someone’s life. Often, just spending time with a friend or relative can be a valuable and precious gift to both of you. Our ability to communicate in all it’s various forms with each other is powerful. After my suicide attempt, I made a choice to ask the Creator to show me which direction and path I should take. Then I had to trust what the Creator was showing me, which was very difficult. TRUST-- I had to get real with myself. First, I had to forgive myself for trying to take my life. Next, I had to ask forgiveness from the Creator for trying to cut my life short. Then and only then was I able to take the steps I needed to ask my family and friends to forgive me. I had to make amends with those individuals who are alive as well as those who have passed on. By making the effort to bring the heart and mind together, I have been able to witness healing. In the process of journaling, talking to my loved ones and using ceremonial tobacco, I have been able to let go of my grief and move forward. By integrating spiritual traditional teachings and western therapeutic modalities I’ve allowed myself to walk through the pain and find some harmony and balance. A question I have asked communities throughout my travels is, “What is your vision ?”. The dreams and goals you have for yourself, family, community and Nation are important visions to work toward. Although I can’t see through my physical eyes, I still have a vision of decreasing the rates of suicide in our communities. Since 1990, I have been sharing my story with individuals, families and communities with the hope that they will gain faith, strength and the motivation to live life to its fullest with gratitude for what they have. By sharing our personal struggles and triumphs with each other my prayer is that we can unite as a resilient People. Let me share with you what I see... .